Erebor and Khazad-dûm

So after our...shall we say detour?...to Evendim, we finally got to Rivendell. In secret of course. Uncle Thorin would have a fit if he knew we went against his express orders. We saw him a few times though, from afar. He looks troubled. And the way he nearly never leaves Bilbo's side makes me worry as well. Is your beloved Hobbit sick? Is that the reason they ventured to the Last Homely House? For Elven medicine?

Let it be known that I do not like all this secrecy. It seemed somewhat fun at the beginning but now it is starting to weigh heavily on my shoulders. I love and respect uncle too much to risk his ire like this. Yet ... what choice do we have, really?

But when we went to see Bilbo...Uncle Thorin had once again been called away for an important meeting...he looked fine. Well, as fine as an ageing Hobbit can possibly look. I am afraid that he will not be with us for much longer, but I will not tell Khee about it. He loves Bilbo so much, and to lose him...it would break my brother's heart. Not to mention Thorin. He would be lost without his consort by his side. I think the day Bilbo will leave us, will also be the end of the King under the Mountain. They have been together for so long now that they cannot be without the other any more. It frightens me.

And so you write about your worries here? When you know I've sneaked into your journal before? Brother!!! My heart is, indeed, breaking now. To think ...

No. I cannot.

But for now Bilbo is fine, even gave us one of his fabled riddle games to play, and Lindir joined in happily.

I'd rather the twins have joined us.

We didn't stay for long in the valley though. We were too worried Thorin might eventually find us. And thusly, we once again crossed the Misty Mountains and the River Anduin, passing into Mirkwood. Oh brother, what were we thinking? We had decided to not go near Thranduil's Halls, once again for fear of being seen. But to the south, near that accursed tower, evil reigns. Spiders and the Undead have made a home for themselves and do not suffer any Free Peoples amongst them. Which meant we had to fight our way to the other side of the forest with hardly any reprieve for sleep or rest.

It was nasty business. It saddens me to see the Greenwood overwhelmed by such evil. Still, I'd like to think that we decimated a good few of the eight-legged monstrosities.

And then we reached our journey's end and... It nearly broke both our hearts. Dale was overrun by Easterlings, and they lay siege upon our Mountain. Balin is defending Erebor valiantly, but I fear for its survival. So we took up arms again, and we fought. And gained assurances that no one would breathe a word to Thorin about us being there. But we both felt it. Both knew that this was the reason our uncles wanted us safe in the Ered Luin, and we...we went against them. I never felt so undeserving of being Thorin's heir.

Yet, at the same time, being Thorin's heir gives you reason enough and a right to be there, defending what will someday be yours to rule. With me by your side, if I have a say in it. I would not see our uncle's precious mountain fall from the hands of our people once more. We are seasoned warriors now and very capable of holding our own. If I wish to lead our armies in your name one day, how can I do that if I cannot be allowed to fight alongside them and gain their trust? You cannot let these negative feelings rule you, Fhee. Your place was there, alongside Balin ... every bit as much as it was Thorin's place, had he been around. And my place is ever at your side.

After the battle in Dale...this is what we were born to do, defending our home. But at what price?

We didn't stay after the fight for very long. Somehow, we both knew it was time to leave. Again. After we had fought so hard to return. So we left. But not for the Blue Mountains. No. Khee had the brilliant idea to check on the progress of the retaking of Khazad-dûm. Yes, apparently some idiot dwarves thought it was a great idea to go see if the Balrog was still around and kicking. All I can say is: Madness! Which is probably why we joined them. Because we are mad. Or rather, Khee is and I'm here to look out for him. Uh-huh. So right now we're sitting around in the Twenty-first Hall not doing all that much. And Kili is getting drunk with his new mate.

My place is with you, brother. And so I left ... but I cannot say it wasn't without a conflicted heart. It felt like leaving was the right thing to do, considering. Yet, at the same time, I felt an urge to stay. One that I simply cannot explain. I hope to not live to regret our departure.

Ah, yes. Moria. Utter, madness. Just our kind of troublesome mess. Admit it, Fhee ... you love when I drag you on such crazy adventures. It keeps you young. Almost my age! And I was not getting drunk. I was getting smashed! Well-earned respite after diving down the well and fighting our way back to the Chamber of Crossroads. Didn't see the Balrog though. We should go explore further into the deep. What say you?

His new best friend...not sure if it's the dwarf at his back, or the goat to the right...

Settling down ... somewhat. At least a foothold.

It doesn't look like we'll be heading back to Erebor anytime soon. As such, I figured ... meh. Might as well settle down. Sort of. Just a foothold? A small one. Like my big toe. Or a few toes, even.

Well, I wouldn't be so sure about that, brother. The Erebor bit I mean... Just saying. But you deserve your little piece of home away from home. You truly do.

And so I did it. Purchased a house. Somewhat making an adult out of myself, I suppose. At least, that is what Rohir would say, his words accompanied by that gorgeous smirk of his. I can't wait to show him. Whenever he is next in the Ered Luin region, of course. That could take a while. It looks like the twins' father has been keeping his warrior sons busy. But that's alright, seeing as I have a lot of decorating to do. Amongst other things (to put it mildly). My resources are currently limited but I am hoping that throughout my travels, I will find unique objects and interesting furniture to make it more homey and representative of me.

I hate to tell you, Khee, but you will never ever be an adult. At least not if you go by Uncle's definition of what an adult should be. Though...if you look at him mooning over our beloved Hobbit, I'm not sure he's an adult either. As for Rohir, I'm sure something could be arranged. Just, you know, kidnap him or something...

I made sure to buy a house with two bedrooms, setting one up for Fhee so he can have his own space whenever he is not staying over with Mr. Dwalin. Or away on some adventure or errand of some kind. He was gone just recently. It felt like forever. And since his return, it is I who seems to always be all caught up in things, keeping me absent from his presence. I miss him.

That is very kind of you...especially since I have to share a house with elves, humans and even a tiny Hobbit. Not Uncle Bilbo, though Wynniekins thinks herself to be a burglar as well. She will never be as good as Bilbo though, for he has done the impossible and burgled Thorin's heart. And I will not think about Thorin and Bilbo any more now lest I give myself mental scars. Again. And I do apologise for being gone for so long, my brother, it simply couldn't be helped. I am sure we will see each other again soon enough though.

I always miss him.

And I always miss you, my Khee.

I am sorry, Fhee. I do not mean to be such a stranger. Things are just so busy and ... intense, lately. My mind is so full at the moment; I need to sort things out and manage to prioritize. Put my energy where it needs to be. Which calls for choices ... and I have never been very good at making choices.

Rest assured, brother, I do not hold it against you. Never have. I am only glad to see you once in a while and I know you will still find the time to do that.

I do love you, brother dear.

And I love you, you little nuisance.

Well, hmm. Enough sentimentality, methinks. Let us view a few images of my new house, shall we? It is in a beautiful part of the neighborhood where an opening in the rock formation allows us to see some of the sky. It is quite lovely, especially at night. I thought it would be nice to have a mix of underground and open space. After our journey across Middle-Earth with our dear Hobbit to reclaim our mountain, I never could find complete satisfaction in living as our race was meant to - surrounded by rock.

Now Uncle Bilbo would be very proud of you right now. And Uncle Thorin would once again wonder if being with an Elf has made you weaker. But don't listen to Thorin. You have chosen a lovely home indeed.

And so, here it is, as viewed form the outside, all cozy within its protective walls:

Also, Fhee's room (until he redecorates it to his liking); I added a few scholar items, seeing as he is more 'bookish' than I'll ever be:

I hope he likes it. And I look forward to spending time with him just relaxing in our own little 'slice of home'.

I love it, brother. And I can't wait to visit it with you.

So lonely ...

I am probably not allowed in here without Fhee's permission but I tend to do as I please either way. So here I am.

As such, I wanted to jot down an important detail ...

Kili misses his brother Fili something awful.

There. Enough said.

I shall go feel miserable all by my lonesome self now.

Going East

I have it on very good authority (Balin blabbed to Dwalin who told me) that we were NOT send to Ered Luin because of something Kili did. I have to say I'm both shocked and relieved at the same time. Dwalin also said that Gandalf had been visiting with Uncle Thorin and Bilbo on numerous occasions in the past couple of years (how did we miss that?) and that the wizard has his hands in this council business as well. However, Dwalin either didn't know more or wouldn't say.

See? I told you! Pffffttt! Shocked and relieved. Nonsense! Relieved, I can understand. But shocked? That's just plain insulting, brother. 

 

So after Dwalin couldn't (or wouldn't) tell me any more...and I swear, if it's the later he'll be sorry. You don't go around treating your partner like a dwarfling...age difference or not! Anyway, after there was nothing more to get out of Dwalin, I decided to sneakily move eastwards again. First, we found ourselves in Bree, with some Ranger called 'Strider' or something like that. Weird guy. His bed was quite comfy though and I took a little nap while Kili distracted him. 

Nothing more to get out of the veteran warrior? Really, Fili? Clearly, you need to invest yourself further. Shall I make a few suggestions? 

I get the feeling those two know each other, though how would Kili know a Ranger when I don't... Maybe they met in Rivendell on one of those occasions when my baby brother was visiting with Rohir and I joined Elladan and Legolas for a hunting excursion. I love Kili dearly, but I don't need to see him make doe eyes at the son of Elrond.

Ah yes. Strider. Friendly fellow. Rather serious, though. Yet his heart is pure. It must be, considering whose affection he has managed to draw.

I love you too, Fee. But do remember that I am not the only one who makes doe eyes. Especially as of late.

Later on in the Barrow-downs, Kili finally admitted that I was both older and wiser than him and bowed before me as I was sitting on my new throne. I'm so taking it with me, and Sambrog can cry in a corner.

I did? Poor Fili ... Sambrog really did give you a nasty blow to the head. But that is a nifty throne. Doubt it will fit in your room, however. How big are Dwalin's quarters?

Unfortunately I made the mistake of letting Kili lead the way after I was done stroking the arms of my lovely throne and got Eagle Air to pick it up and deliver it to Thorin's Hall for me...and instead of ending up in Rivendell, we wound up in Tinnudir! How wrong can you be at finding your way, brother?!

I meant to go there, of course. I am in the process of scouting out a few vacation spots and Evendim sounded rather lovely. Wouldn't you agree, after seeing it firsthand? I can lead us to Rivendell anytime ... why the rush?

  Lake Evendim...seriously? After our last adventures involving water?!

Thorin's Gate Once More

I don't know what Kili did, but he somehow managed to get us marooned...in Thorin's! Not that I particularly mind as I'm closer to a very special dwarf, but that's beside the point! Not even Bilbo was willing to have our back, which was a real shock for me. Normally when Uncle screams and shouts it's everyone's favourite hobbit that calms him down and makes him see reason. Not this time.

Fee!!! I take exception to that!  Yes THAT. The very first line of your very first entry to your very first journal (unless there are other journals hidden somewhere that I am unaware of, hmmm?)! Why is it to be automatically assumed that this is my fault? Just because I am the youngest. And the prettiest (or so they say) ...

Truly, I am happy to see that lovestruck smile on your face once more and the drag to your shoulders and general posture seems to have disappeared since we have arrived back 'home'. Still. I resent that. The automatic blame and pointing of fingers. I did nothing! At least, not that I am aware of ...

Uh. That was some nasty screaming and shouting though. I just don't understand it all. And it hurts to know that Bilbo did not step up, speaking in our defense. I miss our Hobbit.

I miss Uncle too, Mahal bless him despite his occasional surliness.

Something's going on, and it's not ponies being stolen by trolls, nope. Both Thorin and Bilbo have been looking rather glum of late, and now, as we were being sent back to Ered Luin, the King under the Mountain and his Royal Consort are travelling to Rivendell to attend some weird council thing. Kili's pouting because he wasn't allowed to stay in the Last Homely House, but I don't think Elrohir is around anyway, so what's the point?

Ahhhh. The ponies incident. Not one of my proudest moments, that. Oy! Uncle gave us quite an unforgettable dressing-down after our escape from the trolls. Do you think it was a little (a lot!) more severe (he clearly overreacted) because of his worry over the company's burglar? Think you that even so early on in the journey he ... well ...

You think?

And I most certainly was not pouting! I was merely disappointed by a missed opportunity to be visiting with Lord Elrond. And to spend a bit of time in the Hall of Fire. The Seneschal does keep Rivendell's wine cellar well stocked. Quality stuff, I tell you!

(And no. Rohir was not in residence. Nor was Elladan.)

But Thorin's is boring...not the time I spend with Dwalin, no. That's great and wonderful and I wouldn't miss it for the world, but... Sitting around and twiddling our thumbs just isn't for us. So we decided to 'help' the dwarves out and do some chores...they call them quests...and so on.

It's not so bad, really. At least we are helping out. Perhaps word of our good deeds will reach Erebor and we will be welcome to return earlier than planned? Depending on when Thorin and Bilbo head back to the Lonely Mountain, of course. We need to find out more about this council, Fili. It does not bode well.